my new addiction

I’ll admit I had my doubts…

When I started on my quit, I couldn’t imagine how I’d make it through a whole day without a cigarette, let alone a week or a month. But here I am at the close of Day Eleven, still smoke free and loving it!  Loving that I can walk more than a block without feeling breathless. Loving that I no longer have to go out in the rain on my coffee breaks at work. Loving that my clothes, hair and car no longer stink like cigarette smoke. Overall, just loving being a non-smoker.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not afraid. There are still times when the quit is hell. They say that a reformed smoker is always only one puff away from a pack a day. For me that’s still true. I remind myself of that when that nagging little voice starts in, whispering,  ‘Just one won’t hurt…’

I think the hardest part so far has been learning how to relax without a cigarette. My husband came up with a great idea.  I’ve always loved jigsaw puzzles, but haven’t taken the time for them in years. Hubby set me up a puzzle on a little card table in front of a cozy window that looks out over my gardens. Whenever I feel the need to relax, I sit down to the puzzle and put in a piece or two.  It’s a great hobby, and as far as addictions go, a pretty harmless one!

Life (without cigarettes) is good! 

my new addiction

day five

I’m still pretty emotional, but the cravings seem much more manageable, the past two days.

Do I dare hope it might be getting easier … ?

day three

I’ve heard that those who fail in their attempt to quit smoking in the first week usually fail on day three. After today I am inclined to believe it. This has been hands down the hardest day of my quit so far. An emotional train wreck, I’m bitchy one minute, crying buckets the next.

 They say that after 72 hours most of the nicotine has left the body. A nicotine addict will experience intense cravings, the addiction’s way of trying to get that lovely nicotine back. I admit it. I almost caved today. Then I thought about my reasons for wanting to quit, and about the fact that if I slip, I will have to start all over again; Day One, Day Two, Day Three.  Lord, I don’t ever want to go through another Day Three!

I can get through it if I don’t think long term. If I commit to not smoking   just for this day, this moment, that is enough. As for this day, it’s been a bear. Going to bed early just to be done with it, and hoping for a better one tomorrow :)

day two

The cravings are about the same today. They may be coming a tad less frequently, but a few of them have been really intense. I think the brat is starting to realize that I’m not going to give in this time. Still, throughout the day I find myself having crazy thoughts like, Just one won’t hurt… It would help you to feel calm… You could concentrate better on writing that chapter if you’d have just one… Your lungs are already ruined. You might as well smoke.

When these thoughts come, I remind myself that cigarettes do not help anyone to be calm, that if anything, they raise the heart rate and blood pressure, stressing the body even more. I remind myself that after only two days, I am already reaping the benefits of quitting. Already, my blood pressure and pulse rate have dropped. Already, my circulation is improving, my body temperature in my hands and feet rising to that of a non-smoker. Already, my carbon monoxide and oxygen levels have returned to normal. I have gone a whole two days without the stench of cigarette smoke on my hands, hair, clothes and breath.

 Tonight I went to my son’s football game and could actually enjoy the entire game without worrying about sneaking away to feed my cigarette addiction.

Life (without cigarettes) is good.

day one

Last night at 8:15 I stubbed out my very last cigarette with mixed feelings. Excitement that I had made the choice to begin a new, smoke-free life. And anxiety over what the next few days would bring. I’ve decided to blog my journey to freedom from nicotine. If you’d like to share your own experience here, I would welcome your thoughts.

Day One…

7:30 a.m.  I thought this would be a very hard time for me, since for my whole adult life my day has begun with coffee and a cigarette. I knew I would have to avoid the back porch, as it is a huge trigger for me. Since I have never smoked in the house, the back porch has always been my place to write, relax, wake up, smoke, watch the birds, etc. This morning I took my coffee to the computer and looked at my email instead. I got through it just fine. (I do hope the day will come when I can start my mornings on the back porch again, though. I miss my birds!)

9:30 a.m. Had to go out and run errands this morning. Leaving the gas mart, I felt my first real twinge. A young girl, maybe nineteen or twenty, was washing the windows of the sub shop next door, a squeegee in one hand and a cigarette in another. Walking past her, I smelled the smoke from her cigarette and thought, Oh, isn’t she lucky… Driving away, though, I caught myself obsessing on the thought. Lucky? Now how stupid is that? That poor girl is not only damaging her lungs, but allowing nicotine to taint every part of her body. She will go back into work with her hair and clothes stinking like smoke, and in an hour, maybe two, she will repeat the whole process again because she is choosing addiction. I am choosing freedom. Now who’s the lucky one here?

 11:45 a.m. My son asked me to take my book outside and read it on the bench while he mowed the lawn, to make sure he didn’t miss any spots. I’ve been doing this for him all summer. My first thought was… Sure, just let me grab a cigarette. I felt a moment of panic when I realized I don’t have any. I don’t smoke anymore. Thank heavens the craving passed fairly quickly.

I’ve been taking Bupropion for a week and I think it has finally built up in my system. Though the inner brat that still wants to smoke is with me, suggesting and even demanding that I light up at various times throughout the day, her voice is muted, like someone speaking through a closed door. One not so nice side effect is that I’m prone to tears at any given moment, even if I don’t feel sad. Kind of a strange side effect for an antidepressant, I thought.

3:30 p.m. The cravings have been coming about every hour this afternoon, but I’m riding them out. I had another moment of panic just now, on the way home from taking my son to football practice. I passed by the drug store where I usually buy my smokes and the inner brat started whispering in my ear that I should stop and buy a pack, not to smoke, mind you, just to have in my purse, just in case. I stopped at a gas station a little ways past the drug store and bought a lollipop instead.

6:00 p.m. Supper time was another big hurdle, since I’ve conditioned myself to think that mealtime has to be followed by a cigarette. My husband and I went out for a walk after we ate to take my mind off my cravings. By the time we got home I was all right again. Wow! I’ve been smoke free for 22 hours!!!

 8:15 p.m. I’ve now reached the twenty-four hour mark. My first full day as a nonsmoker has come and gone and I made it through! I don’t mind admitting I’m feeling pretty proud of myself. I actually feel I can do this: one day, one craving, one choice at a time. And the best part? I’ll never have to go through Day One as a non smoker again!

it’s all about choices

As human beings we make choices every day. Some are small and insignificant, like whether to have cereal for breakfast or a bagel. Some choices are bigger and more important, like which college to attend, and what career to pursue. Some choices, like choosing a life partner or whether or not to have children are life changing. I made a life changing choice at the tender age of twelve.

In order to impress a boy named Stuart Ritsenthaller, I chose to start smoking cigarettes. It is a choice I’ve had to live with for the past thirty-four years. Looking back, I don’t remember whether Stuart was even all that impressed. But I do know, after a bout of pneumonia sent me to the hospital for a chest x-ray early this summer, my doctor was not impressed at all. In fact she was downright alarmed.

Choices…

I knew I had to end my love affair with nicotine, and the prospect scared the hell out of me. I’d heard about the cravings, the headaches, the irritability. Who needed it? So I started slow, using the taper down method. It worked pretty well. Within two weeks I’d cut my pack a day habit in half. The next few weeks were like trying to walk up a water slide backward. Some days I’d do really well, lighting up only five or six times in a day. Other days I’d backslide and smoke ten or twelve. The experience really brought out my inner brat. I became prone to emotional temper tantrums, unable to handle being told “No.” But at the same time another voice screams that I have books to write. Football games to go to. Gardens to plant. Like that Aerosmith song says, “I don’t want to miss a thing.”

It’s not easy to quit smoking. It’s not fun. But then, neither are the alternatives. With that thought in mind, a month ago I set a quit date of September third. That’s tomorrow. With the ‘big day’ now literally around the corner, I have to admit I’m scared to death. Scared of the cravings, the withdrawal, the irritability. Scared of failure.

 But failure would be a choice, too, and one I can’t afford to make. With a lot of prayer, and a little help from my friends, I’ll get by. One day, one craving, one choice at a time.

New Review From The Romance Studio

Shadow Lake M. Jean Pike

 Contemporary romance

Available from Black Lyon Publishing

ISBN: 978-1-934912-14-0 April 2009

Emma Beckman, a thirty-year-old widow, was almost destitute. She desperately needed a job but her life was such a shambles she had trouble finding anything she could do. She decided to answer an ad for a 5-month-a-year job at Shadow Lake Campground. She didn’t expect to be hired, but she was desperate and had to try. Her last job was a disaster. When she refused to submit to a fellow employee, he jeopardized her job. Her dilapidated vehicle was not up to making the trip to and from the campground.

Shane Lucy married at eighteen, seventeen years earlier, and was the father of a sixteen year old trouble boy, Mick. It started when his mother, Shane’s wife Blair, left them the year before and never contacted them again. When Emma walked into the camp store, Shane’s temper scared her to death. She was so fragile, she was sure she couldn’t work for him. He watched her walk and leave out after he was so rude.

This book has an author who is new to me—M. Jean Pike. I loved her writing style and the ability she has to keep this reader mesmerized. The fact that Emma was fragile and emotionally struggled did not make her a weak character. Likewise, the rough and gruff Shane was vulnerable in his own right. The supporting cast members were dynamic, vibrant people who greatly added to the enjoyment of the storyline. Even the unpopular ex-wife had a pivotal role.

This great work has such an interesting story that I believe everyone would enjoy it. I highly recommend it to anyone. It is a beautiful love story without blatant sexual activity. I highly offer this to you as one book even younger people would enjoy. It is a great book which who’s storyline will remain even after the great ending.

Overall rating: 5 Hearts

Sensuality rating: Mildly sensual

Reviewer: Brenda Talley August 31, 2009

Working Girl Reviews Loves Waiting For The Rain!

Waiting For The Rain

Waiting for the Rain

 M. Jean Pike

Champagne Press, 2007

ISBN 978 1 897445 21 1

Buy Link: http://www.amazon.com/Waiting-Rain-M-Jean-Pike/dp/1897445210/+

 This has been a rainy week in my world so it seemed the perfect time to settle in with Waiting for the Rain by M. Jean Pike. I wasn’t sure what to expect after reading the description on the back cover. The book had more depth and beauty than I expected. I found it to be a breath of fresh air in the paranormal romance genre. It is skillfully written, full of unique scenes, a few colorful characters, heartache, sacrifice, drama, suspense and of course a sexy leading man. In some ways the story reminded me of a modern, adult version of Tuck Everlasting. This book is a love story that offers hope but . . . is that hope medical, miracle or magic—readers will have to decide. If you like unpredictable books you will enjoy the many twists the author takes you on in this story. The book is categorized as a paranormal romance novel and although it is a romance, it is not light, fluffy or full of silly sexual innuendos. The romance in Waiting for the Rain is believable and tasteful. The paranormal aspect will come upon readers slowly and quickly build into a beautiful tale. This book is easy to read in one sitting, but you better start it early in the day because you may not want to put it down until you get to the end. This is an emotional love story that shows the hope a sacrifice can offer one we love. Readers will go through a swing of emotions while reading of a love that sacrifices and heals but may not be destined to endure forever. Readers will enjoy the way the author gets right to the heart of the story. It only took me a page or two to be hooked. The leading lady, twenty-eight year old Willow (Willy) is diagnosed with cancer. Before telling her husband, Tom, her sad news, he announces that he wants a divorce because he has found someone new. Having no desire for his pity, Willy refrains from telling him her medical news and instead agrees to the divorce and turns to the help of her friends. Realizing her time on earth may be coming to an end she desires to follow one of her dreams. Always an admirer of the majestic eagle, she wants to photograph one before she is too frail to do so. Her journey into the woods proves to be a life-altering trip. After experiencing car trouble and lack of cell phone reception, she meets Darby, a reclusive, gruff but handsome stranger with plenty of tragedy of his own. War veteran Darby lives in Baker’s Gully away from humanity with his faithful dog Lucky as his main companion. The beautiful art work on the book cover gives a brief glimpse into the world that will captivate Willy who is strangely drawn to Baker’s Gully and can’t seem to rest until she finagles a way to stay in the abandoned rose covered cabin not far from Darby’s place. Readers won’t be surprised when Willow and Darby begin to fall in love, but will be surprised by the direction their love takes them. Both have lost a first love, neither is looking for a new love yet they are drawn to each other as in a fairy tale. If you believe in true love, if you believe miracles or magic can get you where you want to go, this book is for you. The book is well written with accurate portrayals of the time period involved. The main characters are fully developed and the scenes are beautifully described. Through clear and vivid descriptions, readers will feel like they have been to Baker’s Gully before. I enjoyed getting to know Willow and I was fascinated by Darby. I appreciated the depth of both characters. Willow’s situation is easier to figure out but readers will have questions as they get to know Darby, his past and his beautiful property. Could Darby have the secret to the fountain of youth? Will he be able to help Willy? Will Willy let him? These are questions that come to mind for the reader. The author introduces to some colorful minor characters with interesting pasts and hearts of gold. Some readers may not approve of the lifestyles and choices of certain characters but will find them believable and true to form throughout the story. Readers will sense a heart of friendship in Sid, the loyalty of hard as nails lawyer Zoe, the jokester in off-color, disgruntled Toots, and the weakness in the loves of Tom and Marilyn. The development of these characters allows the author to insert scenes written with humor, sarcasm, grief, romance, sacrifice, sorrow and love. The ending of the book causes one to stop, think and review the story as a whole. If you are like me, you will reflect upon it for a time. Willow and Darby stayed with me for several days after I left Baker’s Gully. This is a thought-provoking story that reminds us that into every life some rain must fall. Rain is there for all of us. Our lives can be spent remembering the rain, waiting for the rain or embracing the rain. A choice is offered. Jean Pike has given us a fresh, unique love story: A love for all times. Waiting for the Rain is a keeper! I predict that readers will want to return to Baker’s Gully to read this story more than once.

–Pearl

Rating: 5 Shoes

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The Girls

Ok, so I’ve spent the last four months sitting in the passenger seat of my own car with my son behind the wheel. As hair raising as giving driving lessons to someone you still think of as being ten-and-a-half can be, I’ve discovered a pastime that’s even more frightening. Walking.

 Yes, walking.

 You’re probably thinking I’ve lost my mind. After all, what could be so scary about a peaceful walk down a quiet, country road, surrounded by birds and wilflowers — a place where you can walk for miles and barely see another soul? Well, it’s not the human souls I’m worried about. It’s the big, furry, black ones. Diamond Girl and Emmy Lou. Otherwise known as “The Girls.”

 The Girls have been very naughty since awakening from their winter’s nap this year. They’ve trampled my lily beds. Destroyed four of my bird feeders. At a neighbor’s house, they tore off the vinyl siding in search of a hive some prolific honey bees had built underneath. Diamond Girl and her two daughters  ventured into our yard last night while I was writing. Lucille came charging to the window in my office, tail whipping, barking joyously. Not her intimidating ‘stranger bark,’ but one that clearly said, “Let’s play.” Heck, she probably thought they were overgrown Labs. I glanced out the window just in time to see the trio lumbering across the yard. I gotta admit it. They were cute. From this side of the window. I love wildlife as much as the next gal, however…

 I don’t wish to encounter them unawares on a lonely country road while I’m out for my daily exercise. But I also don’t want to give up my walks. What to do?

 Remembering something I’d heard about bears being afraid of loud noises, I considered taking along a pair of pots and pans, clanging them together as I walked. But that would be silly. Then I remembered something else I’d heard about bears being afraid of fire. Hmm…   

 Patting myself on the back for my amazing problem solving skills, I headed to the Dollar General and bought myself a Tiki Torch and a lighter. Plan was, if I ran into The Girls, I could simply light up the torch and wave it at them. Back home, I pulled on my walking shoes and filled the torch with lamp oil just as my son entered the kitchen. He asked about the torch, so I happily told him my plan.

He stared at me. “You’re not actually going to carry that thing down the road in broad daylight, are you?”   

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll look ridiculous.”

“To who? There’s no one around, remember?”

“Well yeah, but still…”

From the perspective of an athletic sixteen-year-old who can run the 200-Meter sprint in 26.4 I guess it did seem a little odd. I mean, a forty-six-year-old crazy lady in pink Capris marching down the road carrying a Tiki Torch, like some sort of modern day cavewoman.

 But hey, the way I see it, that in itself has gotta scare ‘em.

I Wonder…

This little robin sat on my porch for most of the day, pretty much ignoring the persistent voice of his mother, who sat in the treetop above.

Much as I sat sipping coffee, knowing there was work to be done on my Work In Progress,  but ignoring that nagging, persistent voice that insisted Let’s get crackin.

Watching the robin, I had to wonder. Was he afraid. Or just feeling lazy?